He lay there, on the bed, static, looking at the letter. The only movement in his body was that of his dark eyes rolling from side to side with the flow of words. He read them one by one, once, twice, as many times as necessary, because as sentences unraveled, the sick familiarity of the message was beyond his comprehension.
Words that had belonged to him, expressions that had once carried profound meaning, flowed inanely through each line. The intimate, flirtatious compliments; the recollections of past memories, the special nicknames, the declaration of a unique love… They had all been said before, and yet, they were not for him. What had been special once was being prostituted, corrupted, and used.
Had he been standing, his body would have fallen to pieces one by one. Shattered. Broken. First his knees would have faltered and tumbled to the ground taking along his pride; then his back would have abated, no more strength, no more support, no more sustain; finally, his upper body would have let out a soft cry under his breath, falling over to the ground as the immense weight of the betrayed love he carried under his chest weighted on him. But no movement occurred. He was frozen. Motionless.
Stuck in an instant, staring into space as he recalled in his mind moments he had shared with the woman of his dreams. Their beauty, the bright colors of those recollections, were being tarnished as the deceiving words resonated over them. Still beautiful, they had lost their vivid innocence. Colors had turned a shade of grey.
Betrayal. Disbelief. Sadness. Disappointment. Anger. Impotence. Jealousy. Denial. Obsession. Love. Hate. Love. Hate. Love. Hate? Love… The war of emotions unraveled within, fighting around his navel, tying his insides in a tight knot. The revolting feelings made him feel animal, irrational. He felt like throwing up.
Things began to fly across the room, walls were punched, pictures were torn down from the walls, mirrors were broken, muted yells resonated on the thin glass of the windows. Yet, the destruction occurred within his mind, as he still remained there, unable to move, on his bed. Stuck in the intact room, staring into space with the stolen letter by his side.
Unable to find rest and sleep, he looked at the ceiling for hours into the new day. Nothing had been true. She had never been his. She had never even known his name. Still, he mourned silently, not for what had not occurred, but for that which never would. Fixed, as the death of an illusion is a pain beyond tears.
Eventually, the grief within took away the last shreds of energy he had, leaving him unconscious, stuck in a restless nightmare, as the time for dreams was long gone.
Photo by gnato
12 anonymous notes:
- At April 28, 2007 10:04 AM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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You know I love it when you write, even if its sad.. but not like this.. I am, just like everyone else, hoping YOU get better.tqm's and Carebears. Plenty.
- At April 28, 2007 10:30 AM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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BTW, he visto el video de Mad world como 10 veces, jejeje súper cute..
- At April 28, 2007 11:13 AM humantree said...
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árbol agradece infinitamente la alimentación bloguera de nowhere, los cítricos azucarados lo estaban enfermando.
árbol no deja de sorprenderse por la cantidad y calidad dramática que las situaciones pueden generar.
árbol sigue esperando un post bonito, mantiene la esperanza y promete seguir divagando mientras eso pasa.
ahora quiere que imagine a alguien diciendo: ¡bájele al drama mijo! ¡sea feliz mijo! ¡le mando abrazos mijo! ¡no se me agüite mi dieguito! ¡usté sáquele provecho! - At April 28, 2007 7:05 PM d:ego said...
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I feel like I should add a disclaimer. IT IS JUST A STORY. While it sprung from the mood of the last ten days, it does not represent my state of mind right now. It's all fiction.
Tangerine: Beautiful song isn't it? And it has the Gondry quality, you can watch it over an over and be amazed every single time.
Tree: Siga divagando por favor! Prometo post bonito a la próxima. - At April 28, 2007 8:05 PM humantree said...
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jeje that i knew =)
- At April 30, 2007 11:35 PM une pétite étoile said...
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Christina (in this case me): "This is me being supportive"
Meredith (you know who depresive Mer is in this case): "Yeah?"
Christina: "Yeah, fine, I'm totally supportive. Go."
Meredith: "I need reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel I might die today"
Christina: "Whatever, everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move! Move! (door opens) We're good to go"
je t'aime.. move on!!! jajaj te amo, ti amo, ich liebe dich, love ya, etc, etc.. - At April 30, 2007 11:39 PM une pétite étoile said...
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Now my cute and loving quote:
"If you wait long enough it passes"
"You promise?"
"I promise"
I really do...
te amo - At May 01, 2007 11:10 PM Anonymous said...
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Sadly, it seems she's over you. Why aren't you?
From far, far away I send you my best wishes - At May 02, 2007 12:10 AM Manzana Marina said...
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Leí hace como varios días este post. Realmente no sé por qué lado irme con mi comment. Hay tantas cosas que podría decir.
Es hermoso lo que escribiste y lo sabes... es el resultado de la mezcla de atmósfera y creatividad. Un coctel lleno de posibilidades. No te fijes qué hay dentro ni cómo conseguiste los ingredientes, sólo concéntrate en los efectos y lo que haces con ellos. Cosas maravillosas, seguro.
Un abrazo - At May 02, 2007 10:21 PM Anonymous said...
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Me dijeron por estos rumbos que checara tu nuevo post.. Lovely as usual, inspiring, touching. Sad but happy? Happy, but sad?.. Anyway.. Para cerrar maravillosamente con mi primer comentario, vamos con un quote de la movie My Best Friend's Wedding (que aunque probablemente no lo dijeron por 1ra vez ahi, callen!! De ahi lo recuerdo!). Y asi va:
.... " This too shall pass"..
Charan!!!!!
Love ya lots!! - At May 06, 2007 8:56 PM Anonymous said...
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Hello Honey!! Finally, i got a chance to read it. Sorry for the delay.
Anyways, I hope you are moving on, i found this quote, (que aunque no la dijo Leonor como la de Sofia, tambien esta cool). It goes ... while grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.
Sooo ... give yourself time, this too, shall pass - At May 06, 2007 11:44 PM une pétite étoile said...
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¿quién es leonor? jajaj me encanta cuando los comments no se acaban
