Twenty-five random thoughts for the twenty-fifth post, on the 25th…

1. There is something about the number twenty-five. Something intriguing about it that attracts me. Maybe because it hides another one (sometimes if you look at it upside down or you switch the order you discover 52); maybe because it is the perfect fourth part; or just because it is easy to understand; perhaps because it has two serpents guarding it on each side, and a center that looks like you can pour something in the inside; or simply because it includes the two most perfect prime numbers who make up beautiful and easily detachable wholes. I guess my obsessions were marked from the start.
2. Quizá sólo sea porque nací un día veinticinco… y no cualquier veinticinco sino el más conocido de todos. Ese mismo. Éste mismo. Ya las sé todas, las he escuchado una y otra vez. Las mismas declaraciones que recibo al dar mi fecha de nacimiento en un formulario, realizar un trámite, o mencionar mi cumpleaños: “¡Ay, como el niñito Dios!”, “¡Fuiste el regalo de tu mamá!”, “¡Qué mala suerte, te han de juntar los regalos!”, y “¡Le arruinaste la cena a tus padres!”. En efecto, todas tienen algo de cierto.
3. There’s something more to the mere number though. Someone once declared her admiration for mathematics. I have to agree; there is something about numbers that is permanently appealing. The conjunction of infinite abstraction, meaning, symbolism, perfection and certainty is fascinating. A combination that we often seek in other aspects of life in a quest that is never completely rewarded. Numbers are reliable, people not always is.
4. Y por combinación, adición, casualidad, o destino acabé siendo como soy. Me declaro soñador, perfeccionista, observador, egocéntrico, leal, optimista, constante, obsesivo, paciente, y pensante. Escucho aunque no siempre entiendo. Siento aunque no siempre digo. Sueño aunque no siempre me dejo llevar.
5. I guess that is why I love film. It’s a dream. It encloses the mystery, the meanings, the essence and the certainties that life sometimes lacks. It is like numbers written in light. It might not mean anything, but to me, to some, it is everything. It is a window to life; open to interpretation, to emotion, to manipulation, to awe. The use of abstract and symbolic representations, stories told through images and sounds. And in its sublime forms it makes us part of perfection, a perfection that we find in the little details of life that film enhances: imperfections full of meaning. A balance in chaos.
6. Y por eso también quisiera ser caótico como un garabato que no se sabe donde empieza y termina. Desenfadado, enérgico, alegre, despreocupado, sonriente, loco: libre. Hacer sin tener que poner empeño o estructura. Crear sin limitantes. Dejar el volante y viajar sin rumbo de vez en cuando.
7. Once, I found myself journeying into a dream; I left, I lived, I grew, I changed, and when I came back I woke up. Because returning to the starting point made everything seem like an illusion.
8. A veces vivimos en ilusiones. Suponemos, percibimos, y construimos realidades en nuestra mente. Interpretamos de más o buscamos significados ocultos en lo que nos rodea, en lo que se dice. Y vamos tejiendo redes de analogías y supuestos que nos dejan perdidos en un mundo ficticio del que no podemos salir solos y en el cual, nadie más sabe que nos encontramos.
9. You see, the thing about dreams is their individuality. They are so uniquely linked to you, that they are hard to share. Bittersweet isn’t it? Because if no one had been there to tell the tale, no one had traveled back and forth with me, then no one could grasp the complete meaning of the journey... only me.
10. Solo. A veces la soledad es fortuita, otras necesaria. Estar solo es en ocasiones un deseo, en otras más desafortunadas, una consecuencia. Y aunque nada se compara a un diálogo contigo mismo para encontrar claridad, para sentirte reconfortado, corremos el riesgo de cruzar la línea que lleva de la soledad al aislamiento. Hay momentos en los que en soledad podemos perdernos a nosotros mismos, dejando nuestra esencia fuera, agonizando en una jaula personal. Cargando con la soledad en compañía.
11. But then again, if a dream is personal, doesn’t that mean that is mine to have? If I created it, I should be able to return. To go back and visit that place whenever I want to. I guess it’s another thing worth fighting for.
12. Hace poco me di cuenta de que estudio comunicación. Suena absurdo, pero así es. Me di cuenta de lo que implica. Estoy estudiando lo más común (no sólo por su popularidad, sino por su alcance) y aún así lo más difícil. Porque comunicar no es tan sencillo. En verdad, no es fácil dejar libres nuestros pensamientos, soltarlos uno a uno con nuestra lengua. Y a veces cuando los soltamos no deberíamos haberlo hecho. Decir algo puede ser simple o complicado y otras veces simplemente imposible.
13. Love impossibly hurts. Because to love is to become vulnerable, to give ourselves raw and in the nude. By attaching, confiding, and trusting ourselves into someone else the natural impulse is to hide, to run the other way, to doubt. Hesitate… a risky thing to do.
14. A veces conectar lo que en nuestra cabeza es una maraña de relaciones abstractas, de ideas, de dudas, de sueños y emociones es una labor imposible. Y no hay forma de decir lo que en verdad sentimos. Nos faltan palabras para describir lo que ocurre al interior, nos sobran momentos y nos faltan oportunidades. Y perdemos gente, al no decir te amo o enfrentamos una despedida atados por el nudo en la garganta donde se quedaron trabadas miles de preguntas, emociones y recuerdos; frustrados, porque lo único que alcanzamos a decir fue un patético adiós.
15. Love shouldn’t be that complicated. No games, no uncertainty. It should just come down to saying someone that you love them, even when saying I love you it’s a difficult thing to do when you say it to someone you love.
16. A veces sabemos exactamente lo que queremos decir, lo que debemos preguntar. Pero es verdad, el miedo congela. Un escalofrío recorre nuestra espalda, nos pone a temblar, tartamudeamos y las palabras no se convierten en sonido. Cuando sabemos que lo que digamos cambiará la vida de alguien, cuando lo que pronunciemos lastimará sin remedio, cuando lo que diremos revelará la verdad imposibilitando el regreso al consuelo de la ignorancia permisiva.
17. We should learn how to love. Because even if we can separate the world between those who are intelligent and those who are not; or those with passion and those with apathy; we are all, able to, and in desperate need of love. And we get no training in it. We learn empirically, through random experience: trial and error. By damaging many others in the way, and by getting hurt many more times. Most of those by ourselves.
18. Irónico. Pensamos dos veces al declarar algo íntimo, temerosos de salir heridos, cuando por lo general no filtramos las palabras, no medimos consecuencias, y lastimamos a uno y a otro sin mesura ni conocimiento.
19. I sometimes yearn to hear a powerful laugh: loud, natural, funny, energetic… uninhibited. One of those that disseminates its sound, and that inevitably makes its recipient, smile.
20. Hay cosas que deberían de ser irremediablemente contagiosas o compartibles: las sonrisas, la pasión, los buenos recuerdos, el ritmo, los sueños, las líneas, la vida, la libertad, los sonidos de otros lugares, el palpitar del corazón, los colores, las texturas ásperas, las miradas…
21. I was thinking sometime ago, when my smile was broken, that there should be a place that one can visit in order to get a new smile. To trade it for something, get it placed on our face in those times of despair. A smile that does not falter with doubt or insecurities, a smile that shines and spreads, a smile that heals our wounds and those of others. Because laughter should be an epidemic in the world, but nowadays it has become harder and harder to get infected with it.
22. El ser humano es un ser lleno de dudas. Inseguros y llenos de incertidumbre, vacilamos cuando podemos ganar algo, pensamos dos veces antes de confiar, y cuestionamos lo que tenemos. Y en la duda nos quedamos estancados, muertos de miedo ante la perspectiva de una decisión que no podemos tomar.
23. Then again, I did rediscover tears some time ago. Those unexpected and willful drops of salty water. Tears of emotion, soothing, calming, renewing.
24. Estaba pensando en el tiempo. En lo irrevocable e intransigente que es. Porque es increíble que ya sean más de siete años desde la última vez que la vi y escuché su consejo, porque me quedan tantos más sin ella, porque se lleva días en los que quería hacer algo, y me deja tantos en lo que no sé que hacer.
25. Because in the spirit of renewal, 2007 has ended, taking away its contrasts and bittersweet memories, with its accomplishments and experiences, with its ideals and unattained possibilities. And I was not willing to let it go without 25 reasons to remember it.

Existe un hombre del cual aprendí mucho de lo que soy. Un hombre que hoy cumple un año más de existencia, pero que a pesar de comenzar a acumular arrugas y cabellos grises, nunca ha sido viejo. Un hombre que a pesar de su madurez y sabiduría es un niño en esencia.

Un niño que disfruta jugar y descubrir, explorar lo nuevo y reinventar lo viejo. Un niño con imaginación infinita, sueños altos y una mente incansable: constante en su deseo de crear y renovar. Un niño desorganizado y olvidadizo que en el desorden de su entorno encuentra su propio balance y serenidad. Un niño con sentido del humor, siempre despierto, siempre juguetón y siempre sonriente. Un niño que es niño en verdad porque conserva su inocencia, su sensibilidad, su curiosidad y su espíritu noble.

Es un niño que ha mantenido vivo a un hombre ejemplar. Un hombre que cree en la prudencia y que practica la paciencia, porque sabe el valor del tiempo, su importancia para crecer, construir, y transformar. Un hombre con integridad y congruencia. Un hombre con valores y por todo ello un padre excepcional.

Excepcional porque es un padre de familia siempre comprometido y siempre presente. Un padre que inspira con su ejemplo y su entrega. Un padre que en los momentos difíciles nunca vaciló, creó luz y paz en la oscuridad, reconstruyó desde la base, y fue un guía certero para encontrar la salida. Un padre que también la hizo de madre, y como todo lo que hace, lo hizo de manera sorprendente. Un padre cuya virtud es ser un verdadero ser humano. Un padre que se basa en el calor personal, siendo siempre amable y eternamente comprehensivo.

Un padre al que me honro en llamar mío, porque es un héroe, mi héroe y mi inspiración.

Feliz Cumpleaños!!!

I have an introductory class to the film major with the 30 other students who will get their degree as filmmakers. Our professor in that class is one of the heads in the screenwriting department and every week he gives us a writing assignment. I guess I am cheating, but I thought they would make good posts in this blog, after all it is mine to give it to you.

This one was the latest, we were supposed to write a story about personal life-changing event. Hope you enjoy!

PS: Ale you might cry and it may seem like I am depressed but I am actually in quite a good mood. Just giving you the heads up!

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About Superpowers
by Diego Nájera


So what about imagination?

Most people do not realize the potential within themselves, but I did. I knew there was something more, something special within certain human beings. The possibility for a greater good; for transcendence. Finally, one day, imagination allowed me to discover that potential when it granted me special abilities.

It was through the training of my own mind, and from an early age, that I was capable of developing the section of the brain where the unknown resides. You know, that 90% percent of the brain that people say no one uses, and where special abilities may be developed and controlled. Skills that I was able to discover, making me different from others. I guess you could say I had acquired superpowers.

My abilities were varied, I practiced them according to my mood, and every once in a while I had a good day in which I developed a new one. Those times in which I played and practiced my powers were my favorite time of the day, just next to family dinners; the reunion of food and family was certainly a highlight of my childhood.

Some days I practiced my ability to read other people’s minds, one that soon became easy to master. When mom said my name I immediately knew what she was thinking and what she wanted of me. I guess it was easier since mom and I had always shared a special connection.

Later, on a particularly exciting day, I discovered I could travel through time. It was nothing extraordinary at first, as I could only travel to see things that were about to happen. And subsequently, I could go back to the present in order to modify the immediate future. I was never capable of going back to the past, but I never really tried hard enough. I figured the past was not that exciting. I was all about the future.

After one of those good sessions, I would spend hours at a time imagining all the adventures I could have, all the good I could do when I would be finally able to control my powers completely. I figured it was my duty to share them with the world, to safeguard others who were less fortunate.

Time went on, years passed, and by my eleventh birthday I had acquired quite a few abilities, some of them remained basic, some others I had mastered thoroughly. Everything was going my way, being a seemingly normal kid, bright at school, with an amazing family and a great secret pastime. I never thought that my whole world would fall apart. I had never expected to loose my powers later that same year.

It all started in January when we first heard mom was sick. Just like that, my happy life was soon turned upside down. I was swept into a world of white coats, treatments and therapies. It was not the occasion for games or possibilities; it was the time to confront real life. My usual practice hours where no longer possible so I resolved to help her in the normal manner, the only way I could. I had failed at being the superhero; I had not been ready when the time had come.

Still, I learned a lot about battling evil, about having strength and will, about seizing life and doing everything you can to preserve it. After all, she had always been my model of a hero and she was battling cancer in a brave manner.

Her fight lasted a whole year, and we were able to go back to normal life. Yet, normal was no more, my powers had been lost forever. Real life had overtaken my mind. Accessing my imagination, my gateway to those special abilities was impossible. And what we had thought was an opportunity to return to the past, was proven to be just a break between battles but not the end of war. Three years later, cancer came back again and took her forever.

When she fell, I lost everything in me, even the will to bring my powers back. I did not know how anyway. I lost the motivation to search within myself and explore in the quest for hope, everything was darkness, and everything was empty. I had seen my hero fall and I had been left alone. Home was not home anymore, there was no normal next to the word life, and life as I had always imagined it, was no longer accomplishable.

The pain inside got stationed around my stomach and remained as strong as the first day for some time after her loss. A feeling that has left a mark and that comes back every once in a while. It is in those times that I wish I had my powers back: my power to time travel and share a moment with her again; the power to heal others and bring her back; the power to freeze life, to stay in childhood and never grow up.

Eventually, the only power I got back was that of imagination, a power that allows me to dream of better times, to travel into other worlds were evil is no more and my hero never falls.