Twenty-five random thoughts for the twenty-fifth post, on the 25th…
1. There is something about the number twenty-five. Something intriguing about it that attracts me. Maybe because it hides another one (sometimes if you look at it upside down or you switch the order you discover 52); maybe because it is the perfect fourth part; or just because it is easy to understand; perhaps because it has two serpents guarding it on each side, and a center that looks like you can pour something in the inside; or simply because it includes the two most perfect prime numbers who make up beautiful and easily detachable wholes. I guess my obsessions were marked from the start.
2. Quizá sólo sea porque nací un día veinticinco… y no cualquier veinticinco sino el más conocido de todos. Ese mismo. Éste mismo. Ya las sé todas, las he escuchado una y otra vez. Las mismas declaraciones que recibo al dar mi fecha de nacimiento en un formulario, realizar un trámite, o mencionar mi cumpleaños: “¡Ay, como el niñito Dios!”, “¡Fuiste el regalo de tu mamá!”, “¡Qué mala suerte, te han de juntar los regalos!”, y “¡Le arruinaste la cena a tus padres!”. En efecto, todas tienen algo de cierto.
3. There’s something more to the mere number though. Someone once declared her admiration for mathematics. I have to agree; there is something about numbers that is permanently appealing. The conjunction of infinite abstraction, meaning, symbolism, perfection and certainty is fascinating. A combination that we often seek in other aspects of life in a quest that is never completely rewarded. Numbers are reliable, people not always is.
4. Y por combinación, adición, casualidad, o destino acabé siendo como soy. Me declaro soñador, perfeccionista, observador, egocéntrico, leal, optimista, constante, obsesivo, paciente, y pensante. Escucho aunque no siempre entiendo. Siento aunque no siempre digo. Sueño aunque no siempre me dejo llevar.
5. I guess that is why I love film. It’s a dream. It encloses the mystery, the meanings, the essence and the certainties that life sometimes lacks. It is like numbers written in light. It might not mean anything, but to me, to some, it is everything. It is a window to life; open to interpretation, to emotion, to manipulation, to awe. The use of abstract and symbolic representations, stories told through images and sounds. And in its sublime forms it makes us part of perfection, a perfection that we find in the little details of life that film enhances: imperfections full of meaning. A balance in chaos.
6. Y por eso también quisiera ser caótico como un garabato que no se sabe donde empieza y termina. Desenfadado, enérgico, alegre, despreocupado, sonriente, loco: libre. Hacer sin tener que poner empeño o estructura. Crear sin limitantes. Dejar el volante y viajar sin rumbo de vez en cuando.
7. Once, I found myself journeying into a dream; I left, I lived, I grew, I changed, and when I came back I woke up. Because returning to the starting point made everything seem like an illusion.
8. A veces vivimos en ilusiones. Suponemos, percibimos, y construimos realidades en nuestra mente. Interpretamos de más o buscamos significados ocultos en lo que nos rodea, en lo que se dice. Y vamos tejiendo redes de analogías y supuestos que nos dejan perdidos en un mundo ficticio del que no podemos salir solos y en el cual, nadie más sabe que nos encontramos.
9. You see, the thing about dreams is their individuality. They are so uniquely linked to you, that they are hard to share. Bittersweet isn’t it? Because if no one had been there to tell the tale, no one had traveled back and forth with me, then no one could grasp the complete meaning of the journey... only me.
10. Solo. A veces la soledad es fortuita, otras necesaria. Estar solo es en ocasiones un deseo, en otras más desafortunadas, una consecuencia. Y aunque nada se compara a un diálogo contigo mismo para encontrar claridad, para sentirte reconfortado, corremos el riesgo de cruzar la línea que lleva de la soledad al aislamiento. Hay momentos en los que en soledad podemos perdernos a nosotros mismos, dejando nuestra esencia fuera, agonizando en una jaula personal. Cargando con la soledad en compañía.
11. But then again, if a dream is personal, doesn’t that mean that is mine to have? If I created it, I should be able to return. To go back and visit that place whenever I want to. I guess it’s another thing worth fighting for.
12. Hace poco me di cuenta de que estudio comunicación. Suena absurdo, pero así es. Me di cuenta de lo que implica. Estoy estudiando lo más común (no sólo por su popularidad, sino por su alcance) y aún así lo más difícil. Porque comunicar no es tan sencillo. En verdad, no es fácil dejar libres nuestros pensamientos, soltarlos uno a uno con nuestra lengua. Y a veces cuando los soltamos no deberíamos haberlo hecho. Decir algo puede ser simple o complicado y otras veces simplemente imposible.
13. Love impossibly hurts. Because to love is to become vulnerable, to give ourselves raw and in the nude. By attaching, confiding, and trusting ourselves into someone else the natural impulse is to hide, to run the other way, to doubt. Hesitate… a risky thing to do.
14. A veces conectar lo que en nuestra cabeza es una maraña de relaciones abstractas, de ideas, de dudas, de sueños y emociones es una labor imposible. Y no hay forma de decir lo que en verdad sentimos. Nos faltan palabras para describir lo que ocurre al interior, nos sobran momentos y nos faltan oportunidades. Y perdemos gente, al no decir te amo o enfrentamos una despedida atados por el nudo en la garganta donde se quedaron trabadas miles de preguntas, emociones y recuerdos; frustrados, porque lo único que alcanzamos a decir fue un patético adiós.
15. Love shouldn’t be that complicated. No games, no uncertainty. It should just come down to saying someone that you love them, even when saying I love you it’s a difficult thing to do when you say it to someone you love.
16. A veces sabemos exactamente lo que queremos decir, lo que debemos preguntar. Pero es verdad, el miedo congela. Un escalofrío recorre nuestra espalda, nos pone a temblar, tartamudeamos y las palabras no se convierten en sonido. Cuando sabemos que lo que digamos cambiará la vida de alguien, cuando lo que pronunciemos lastimará sin remedio, cuando lo que diremos revelará la verdad imposibilitando el regreso al consuelo de la ignorancia permisiva.
17. We should learn how to love. Because even if we can separate the world between those who are intelligent and those who are not; or those with passion and those with apathy; we are all, able to, and in desperate need of love. And we get no training in it. We learn empirically, through random experience: trial and error. By damaging many others in the way, and by getting hurt many more times. Most of those by ourselves.
18. Irónico. Pensamos dos veces al declarar algo íntimo, temerosos de salir heridos, cuando por lo general no filtramos las palabras, no medimos consecuencias, y lastimamos a uno y a otro sin mesura ni conocimiento.
19. I sometimes yearn to hear a powerful laugh: loud, natural, funny, energetic… uninhibited. One of those that disseminates its sound, and that inevitably makes its recipient, smile.
20. Hay cosas que deberían de ser irremediablemente contagiosas o compartibles: las sonrisas, la pasión, los buenos recuerdos, el ritmo, los sueños, las líneas, la vida, la libertad, los sonidos de otros lugares, el palpitar del corazón, los colores, las texturas ásperas, las miradas…
21. I was thinking sometime ago, when my smile was broken, that there should be a place that one can visit in order to get a new smile. To trade it for something, get it placed on our face in those times of despair. A smile that does not falter with doubt or insecurities, a smile that shines and spreads, a smile that heals our wounds and those of others. Because laughter should be an epidemic in the world, but nowadays it has become harder and harder to get infected with it.
22. El ser humano es un ser lleno de dudas. Inseguros y llenos de incertidumbre, vacilamos cuando podemos ganar algo, pensamos dos veces antes de confiar, y cuestionamos lo que tenemos. Y en la duda nos quedamos estancados, muertos de miedo ante la perspectiva de una decisión que no podemos tomar.
23. Then again, I did rediscover tears some time ago. Those unexpected and willful drops of salty water. Tears of emotion, soothing, calming, renewing.
24. Estaba pensando en el tiempo. En lo irrevocable e intransigente que es. Porque es increíble que ya sean más de siete años desde la última vez que la vi y escuché su consejo, porque me quedan tantos más sin ella, porque se lleva días en los que quería hacer algo, y me deja tantos en lo que no sé que hacer.
25. Because in the spirit of renewal, 2007 has ended, taking away its contrasts and bittersweet memories, with its accomplishments and experiences, with its ideals and unattained possibilities. And I was not willing to let it go without 25 reasons to remember it.
19 anonymous notes:
- At December 28, 2007 10:46 PM Anonymous said...
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She would be proud.
Te quiero - At December 28, 2007 11:29 PM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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It gets complicated, trying to explain all the little things stucked up in your brain. Making all the connections and leaving them at something especific. Guess thats all the doubting. Also the unexpected. Numbers were invented by people and true, people doesnt always stick to the bases they've created. But some do, and those we should keep close and dare to love. I guess smiles can't be traded by a new one, but instead there are all this little things that should help us to smile again, things or people or situations that will make you find a new kind of smile in you. I dont think thats ever over. I like 25 and the fact that it is the perfect fourth. Guess that we most share that need of going away or not plannng or just what would seam like breaking free, because just taking off with out a plan seams like a plan, remember that I'd be there any time. Great to have you back! Love ya.
- At December 29, 2007 6:02 AM humantree said...
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25 veces GRACIAS.
- At January 03, 2008 12:29 AM une pétite étoile said...
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Si soy ese tipo de persona. También el tipo de que te quiere tanto que a veces llora porque no te puede hablar o porque quisiera estar. Ese tipo de persona que sin tu estructura no sabría que hacer. El tipo de persona que te admira y que tiene más de 25 razones para nunca dejarte de querer.
I love you despite I drive you mad so many times. - At January 18, 2008 9:55 PM Anonymous said...
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diegoo feliz cumple atrazado je! pero como te lo prometi sólo digo que eres un pequeño azotado jaja, pero con un universo alterno en la cabeza que sin duda goza de mas libertad mientras duermes....asi que sueña mas amenudo, haslo todo el tiempo aprovecha que inicias un año mas de vida listo para liberarse de una vez por todas ...QUE DIJE? no sé, me pongo en trance ja! cuidate y ya piensa mas en spanish
- At February 18, 2008 12:27 AM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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I dont want to go to sleep. My head is twisted, I dont want to got to bed because that would make today end and tomorrow begin with a bang. And I think, why not write a comment? a silly one ('cause we are silly people) and short one ('cause I can't write anything major) and sweet (like an ice cream cone that will melt in five minutes). Ever listened Radiohead's Talk show host? soo good..it's on right now. They say it's never gonna be that simple...
- At February 19, 2008 10:37 AM Manzana Marina said...
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WOW... el post es del año pasado, nunca tuve el mood correcto para hacer un buen comment y pues no me gusta leer sin dejar comment... me siento como en deuda con el blog... y más si el post dura y dura... no sé es como no terminar un ciclo. Es como comer galletas sin rascar las migajas que quedan en el empaque.
Jamás me imaginé que en un post tan viejo hubiera un comment de justo ayer, lo cual me dio gusto, no me sentí tan sola. Gracias tangerine.
Bueno pues a lo que vengo. What a complete, strong and meaningful post. Una claridad de pensamiento dentro de un deshuesadero de ideas. Sabes tu post del 25, por todo lo que dice pero más aún por lo que engloba, es como un faro en una lluvia de estrellas.
Abrazos - At June 14, 2008 5:19 PM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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Happy tree hunting!!!! nunca pensé que diría esas palabras en la misma frase jejeje we (almost) have a tree!!!
- At August 10, 2008 11:55 PM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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Sólo te escribo para decirte que aunque tu blog parece estar en coma, el mío sigue vivo y no recibe un comment desde enero...not that im counting....hug.
- At October 29, 2008 1:50 PM Fonsi Tovany said...
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Estudiar comunicación a veces significa entender que pocas veces te comunicaste.
- At December 25, 2008 8:40 PM *~PinkTangerine~* said...
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Y pasó un año... jeje... i should be at the movies!
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